


Struggle and Perspective

by stripped-down-to-skeletons (and_the_devil_laughs)



Series: Falling for Friends [3]
Category: Kpop - Fandom, Super Junior, suju
Genre: But this isn't about that, M/M, No worries, One sided, Pining, also a little bit of trauma, but kyuhyun does have some left over caution about getting into traffic, not really angsty but sorta?, not really anything triggering, they are getting a story soon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 03:54:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6888973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/and_the_devil_laughs/pseuds/stripped-down-to-skeletons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyuhyun learned something after the car crash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Struggle and Perspective

**Author's Note:**

> I know I pair everyone with Leeteuk, but it's just because he's hard not to love.

 

Sometimes it's a struggle, Kyuhyun admits to himself. Sometimes there's a remnant or two of the first few months with Super Junior, living in the dorms like a traveler crashing on whatever bed was kind enough to take him.

Now, for instance, when he gets out of the car, he breathes a breath of relief and thanks God that this was a safe car ride. He'll feel it in his gut like a trainee on his first stage, the nerves of almost dying every time he steps foot into a car or van.

He's over it, nowadays – both that dreadful feeling of being around the people who used to hate him that he now calls friends (and rightly so, they are, aren't they?) He's over the first few months out of the hospital, when the anxiety was worst whenever he even thought about travel. He's content to being healthy and happy and working on his solo album because he's made it in life, and years is a lot of time to put a trauma behind you. If he died now, he could hardly be seen as a failure, which is what he tells himself on the harder days when he can't quite put his past in the past.

Some days, though, it's a struggle for a lot more than just his fear of traffic or cars or even tire skids.

It is, after all, pretty hard to live life with barely an admission to himself that he sort of really loves one of his particular band mates. His leader is a friend and he's really the only one he'll speak formally to, and he might be the one who he thinks about when he sings sweet love songs on stage.

It took a while, but Kyuhyun knows he's in love with Leeteuk.

Leeteuk may not be something more to him than a friend (he may never be anything more than a friend, he figures), and when Kyuhyun finally got over the fact that he could love for a lot more than expectation for him to marry a woman, he was okay with it. After all, he almost lost his life, so who is he to deny himself the right to love a man?

The car accident put a lot of issues to the side – it turned his new members into family, it made him realize that love was as precious as life, and it was what he will think back to when all he wants is to tell his eldest hyung just how much he means to him.

It's okay, he says to himself. He'll be sitting in the dorms with Leeteuk talking late at night, or sharing a drink and toasting to a new album – he'll be talking to Leeteuk about the weather and realize that maybe it's a blessing by itself that they're both still alive.

It's a miracle that they're alive, and hard work that kept the group together for eleven years. Even after Leeteuk's enlistment and all of the horrible, strength-testing things that happened to him, he was _okay_. Maybe it was a struggle for Leeteuk as well, because having lost his family is a burden Kyuhyun wishes will never happen to him, he still has _family_.

He still has Kyuhyun to tease him and mess with him and maybe hold him when he needs a shoulder – and he has a drinking partner for when times become a little too trying. Mostly, though, life is good and whole.

So, yeah, Kyuhyun might not be able to kiss him, or hold him in his arms like he always wants to for as long as he wants, he might not even be able to say it out loud to _anyone_. But he can still cook for him, drive him from the station when he's tired, and carry him on his back and sing on tour and talk about life for hours on end.

He might not be able to say _I'm in love with you_ , but he can always show him just how much he loves him.

Maybe the struggle is worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of want to write more. Do I have any Teukhyun shippers in the house?


End file.
